Porked

Every business that has called your residence home has failed.

This is an open letter to the new Pdx Hawaiian establishment that shall remain nameless. A few suggestions to avoid the same fate.

  1. Free Wifi – Your Wifi is private. You are a lunch destination. Lunch destinations are populated by workers who are on their lunch break. Workers need to be connected, or they will not return to your disconnected establishment.
  2. Rice with a Side of Rice – When serving customers a rice dish, one of the sides should not be rice. Unsure why this even has to be explained to you. Instead, give me some nice greens in the form of cabbage.
  3. In & Out ( the fiddlers elbow ) – You have one door to enter and exit. This is a problem when that door leads directly into the ordering line. When your customers get their food they don’t want to walk back through the ordering line. It’s annoying, and not very pleasant for those who are hungrily standing in said line. You need a separate exit. This may even be a matter of safety.
  4. You’re Porked – You are a Hawaiian establishment. Your cache is pork. You serve it on a dry bed of rice. If your pork is dry you’re done, like dinner. Customers want their pork to infuse goodness into the patiently waiting parched rice below. Add some sauce or leave some juice.
  5. Disgusting Slobs – When the three of us left your establishment with a satchel full of pork you included 1 napkin in the to go bag. This left us each with 33% of a paper napkin to clean our pork laden faces with. We were ridiculed.
  6. Price – Your price per item is approximately $1 too high. This is Portland. We expect lunch to be under $9 for to go pig.

We hope you take these under advisement as we truly do want you to succeed where others have failed. We will give you one more chance. We will not announce when this will be.

  • Bridget

    No! Not dry pork! NO! I know of which establishment you speak and I hoped for better. I hope that they read this and get smart. My kid goes to school near there, and he has already said thatthey aren’t going to make it. Maybe a pizza joint is next..-= Bridget´s last blog ..Tonglen: Getting the Small-T Truth Out =-.

  • Jason Glaspey

    OK. I’m going to respond, more out of a desire for balance than to really tell you your’e wrong.1. No Free Wifi. This is a lunch spot with few seats. If I came in and people were on their computers I’d be pissed. I want to sit and eat, and with such a small location, office-less workers will only keep me from doing so. There are tons of spots for free-wifi, and we all have iPhones. Some places without wifi are ok.2. I see your point. Not a big deal to me, but i see your point.3. Yeah, again, I see your point. Not sure if it was like this before or not, or if they can do anythign about it without a ton of money, but you’ll get no argument that a second door would be better with their layout.4. I don’t get the pork, I get the #1. It’s so good, I’ve never gotten anything else. And I’ve been to this locations Eugene stores many times before.5. Sure, it’s nice to get napkins, but I’d bet this happens in 75% of places in PDX. It happens to me all the time. It’s annoying, but not worthy of an open letter. Keep some at your desk if you’re a slob ;) 6. Agreed. This is PDX. Cheap lunch is abundant. Now, for full disclosure, I know the owners of this place, they’re good people. I’ll pass along the info. but seriously, the #1 is awesome (kekoa’s spsecial) and it provides a nice balance to the rest of what’s available in the Pearl..-= Jason Glaspey´s last blog ..Baked Banana and Coconut Ice Cream =-.

  • Ry

    #6 spicy try it.. it’s the best.

  • Chris Teso

    I’d like to express how happy I am that Hawaiian Time took my Yelp to heart and made major improvements in every area I discussed. They now provide ample napkins and sauces as well as have the option for mac rather than rice.It’s impressive to see a business respond to reviews in a proactive manner. Even further, taking a step to improve service. Hawaiian time has done both.We’re regulars now at their new location and are happy to say so.Nice work, guys.